I Need a Thumbtack on my Snooze Button

This morning, 1/7/13.  Unfortunately, this is pretty much my typical morning.  ** denotes my inner conversation **

4:15 Husband gets out of bed and gets in shower. **When the water shuts off I’m going to get up and shower, and have a relaxing cup of coffee w/ hubs, and be nice and awake when I leave for work at 6:15**

4:20 Hear loud bang.  Get up to make sure husband did not fall down in shower and is unconscious.  All is well, back to bed.

4:25 Water cuts off  **What did I want to do when he got out of the shower?  Oh yeah, get up and have coffee.  Did I tell him I was going to have coffee with him?  That'd be pretty messed up if I told him, and then stood him up.  I don't think I told him.  Even if I did, he probably forgot.  Well, I know what I’m wearing for the day, I can spare another 20 minutes of sleep**

4:55 Wake up from a dream in which I had already took a shower, and was having coffee with my husband.  **DAMN IT.  Well, he’ll be leaving for work soon, there goes that opportunity.  I’ll get up at 5:15.**

5:15  **Ugggh I’m so tired.  Do I know what I’m wearing?  I thought I did, but was that part of the wake-up dream or when I was actually awake?  Well, either way, I’ll do my make up in the car, so I have 10 more minutes.  Ugh, my new years resolution was to not drive while distracted, which really meant my cell phone, but I suppose putting on make up is also distracting.  I already told my students, and my mom, that this was my new years resolution so I really shouldn’t break it.  What’s the date anyway?  I think it’s my friend’s birthday.  It is.  Should I call before work?  I know SHE doesn’t use her phone while driving.  What a good person.  I need to be more like her, and just better at life in general, like getting up to have coffee with my husband.  How do people go to the gym in the morning?  Oh, have to decide which dance class I’m taking.  Am I getting soft in the middle?  Damn Starbucks gift cards have me getting triple venti white mochas every morning.  Maybe I’ll do crunches before I get in the shower.  Okay, decision time - I’ll either just do a LITTLE make up in the car, or just not wear make up.  Ugh, then everyone always says “Are you feeling okay?”   AH!  I’ll do my make up here, won’t blow dry my hair.  Snooze-time!!**

5:55  **Hmm…5:55, well, there goes leaving at 6:15, which means I can’t take 66 unless I wait until 6:55 to leave.  Did I make copies for school today?  Do my kids have guidance or art?  Which class finished their projects on Friday?  Ugh, I need to get up….**

6:10  CRAP!!!  What am I doing!?  Okay, run through your head what you’re wearing, how you’re doing your hair, which route your taking to school, and what you’ll need to copy and when to be ready for the day, and then GET UP.

6:30  I. Hate. Myself. 

My Superhero Persona

I don't know if you know this about me...I actually have a superhero identity.  No, I cannot read people's minds (thank goodness), nor do I have super-hero strength (Although, in my younger days, I was known to have a stomach of steel...not because of my rock-hard abs, because I could eat a lot of disgusting crap and not get sick).  What I DO have the ability to do is over-think a situation until it's the end-all-be-all of my life, to the point where that situation, as meaningless as it may be, I end up feeling will define me.  As a person.  My entire life.  As futile as it may be, I can over-anlayze the crap out of  something until I hate everything and everyone (well, maybe not everyone, especially not you, my new best friend who reads my blog).  I should have a catchy superhero title like "Rumination Chick!" or "Anxiety Girl!".  Seriously, it's bad.  This is one reason why free time is my enemy.  Sure, I'll bitch about how I have no time to myself...after having enrolling  in another graduate level course, as well as two dance classes, decide to teach Zumba, take on the cluster lead history teacher position in the county, start a blog, buy 4 new books to read, oh, and decide I want to be a photographer (more info about how I suck at this on a future blog).  Free time = Ruminating.  I learned this word from my therapist.  Yeah, I've been to therapy, I'm not ashamed.  Sit on a plush couch in a tranquil room and talk about myself for an hour with a guarantee of no judgement from someone who's probably seen crazier than me?  Sign me up, dude!  I've always been an over-thinker.  Scene: Nine-year old Nicole, crying at the dining room table, because she KNEW a grape was too big to accurately represent Mercury in her fruit solar system.  She knew it had to be something smaller to be in proportion, like a blueberry, or a coffee bean.  "Why don't you use one of the styrofoam balls that we bought?" says loving, and every-so-patient mother.  "Because it all has to be fruit!!!!  I can't mix the fruit with the styrofoam!!!!!  THAT'S STUPID!!!!!!!!!!". End scene.  I can guarantee I will have a daughter just like myself.  Damn Kharma.

It was definitely gymnastics that made me this way, no doubt in my mind.  Put a little girl in a leotard and have her stand by herself on a 4 inch wide long piece of wood, then flip in the air, and land back on it.  Don't wobble!  Be perfect!  Everyone is watching!  And if you're not perfect, the girl after you will be.  And you'll lose.  Remember No Fear shirts?  The little no fear emblem on the front and the inspirational saying on the back?  Well, I had the one that said "Second Place is the First Loser".  Because it is.  I then spent a number of years NOT thinking.  I mean REALLY REALLY not thinking.  I'll leave out the sordid details of volatile relationships and dangerous experimentation, and just thank my lucky starts I am still here to think back and laugh at how invincible I thought I was.  Enter court-mandated therapy.  JUST KIDDING!  Enter therapy highly recommended by a very good friend.  Literally, this was my reaction once I realized what a little shit I was being:  Wow, I can control my life?  You mean, THINKING about my decisions will lend me the opportunity to end up where I want to be?  Well, leave it to me to overcompensate.  I began to analyze every.single.decision I would ever make, because I thought I was too smart not to!  I learned how to control my life, I was SMART, and POWERFUL...both of which can also make you slightly delusional.  Stay tuned to learn more of my delusions as I attempt to not paralyze myself with indecision and over-analysis on a daily basis.

Ruminator Girl - Out!

Losing my Blogging Virginity

Today is the day...January 1st, 2013 (PS.com: how did THAT happen?)...today is the day I lose my blogging virginity.  I never understood why people took to Blogging.  What if no one wants to hear what you have to say?  What if you've spent your entire life thinking you were clever, and witty, only to be proven wrong by the lack of hits on your blog site?  I fear I have many such self-inflicted delusions, but let's play a little Affirmation Roulette here, and hope you all like my pointless ramblings and over-analysis of life's everyday happenings.  Be forewarned, it may be as awkward as when you lost your actual virginity.   

Does anyone else have a song that they associate with losing their virginity? Click here to find out mine!